Greetings and Good Day,

I’ve reached a really exciting, interesting, and provocative point in my life. Sunday November the 8th, I will officially get a little bit older. Just a smidge. Just a pinch. Just wee bit. Because it is my birthday.

And seeing as how today is ONLY November 3rd, and Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite is on tonight and not Sunday night, how am I supposed involve y’all in the festivities? The true answer? I can’t. I can’t and I probably won’t.

You see, my birthday is all about me. From top to bottom, it’s for me, me, me, and only me. Why should I try, make the effort, and include you in it? What does it do for me?

Chances are I’ll get lots of presents. The more people I tell this to, the more people will say “Happy Birthday, Andrew T” or “Sup Dawg. Throw some cake down your throat today” and other such traditional B’day greetings. And I like presents.

Recently I’ve been hearing people throw words around like “Communism” and “Theocracy” and “Co-operatives” and “Lunchtime.” These all seems strange to me–mostly because I’m writing this at 8:30AM, which is not lunchtime at all–because I think I’m a big fan of Capitalism. I’m trying to find a way to make every day my birthday so that I will receive gifts every day. Because, you see, after a point, I’ll have too much stuff and I’ll have to sell it off. Chances are I’ll sell back to you the present you gave to me seven birthdays ago (aka a week ago). Isn’t that genius? Making you buy something twice? The only problem is that I’m worried most of my friends are cheapoes and that they’ll just buy me freezies or coffee every day. Unless I get an ice-box (as a gift) those freezies will be worthless, and have you ever tried to sell a cup of cold coffee? Have you? What’s it like?

Anyways, I might be having a special pre-birthday radio show tonight. I’m just sayin’…

Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite. Tuesday. 10pm-12am. CFRU 93.3fm http://www.cfru.ca/

Believe…all the time.

from andrew

Bienvenidos,

There is a stranger in my house. At least I think so. Some one or something was using my bathroom when I got home, but I don’t know who it is. Instead of just barging in and demanding an introduction, I waited until they were done, and then snuck in to have my show.

I. Snuck. In. Like a coward. In my own home. This will not stand. This shall not stand. This will probably continue for the rest of the morning.

You know what I’m saying?

Oh, I haven’t said it yet…I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes I don’t like strangers. You know what I’m saying? Like, who do they think they are that they have to be all up in my stuff, in my house, and make me introduce myself. That’s outrageous, and wrong, and I’m filing a complaint.

I know that as a mildly public figure I should be open to strangers. They’re practically my bread and butter. But like all bread and butter, there are exceptions.

You see, you are my public. Some of you are bread and some of you are butter. If my matchmaking TV gets off the ground, I will be introducing all the breads to all the butters and you will make sandwich babies for me. And then we won’t be strangers! We’ll be intimately tied together. There will be many years of you bringing your doughy, greasy family down to my estate where we can all frolic and remember the good times.

We’ll say to each other “Oh, Reginald, do you remember that time on October 27th when Andrew T hosted another spectacular episode of Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite? We tuned in to CFRU 93.3fm…or was it online at http://www.cfru.ca/ ? Regardless, Reginald, it was an excellent 2 hours of radio from 10pm-12am.”

And then someone will be sure to point out that we’re not all named Reginald and that they didn’t know how they got there or why they were tied up.

So, in conclusion: Did I just stoop so low as to give myself a fictional compliment from the future just to get you to listen to my radio show?

Yes. Yes I did. And isn’t that what Halloween’s all about?

from andrew

This message is all about the Benjamins.

The Franklins, the Bratts…the Netanyahus. All of them. Because I need all of them.

CFRU has been kind enough to play host to me playing host to my radio show, Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite. Right now, today only, is the last day of their annual Raise Your Voice fundraising drive. ATDE has the delight of being the final show of the drive, and we’ve gotta raise a lot of money.

The station’s goal is $10,000, which is nice and all, but I’m a man who likes a challenge. In fact, I like a challenge so much that the goal for my show tonight is to raise $10,000! Can we do it? Yes! There are 150 (or so) in ATDE’s fan group, which means we only have to donate $67 each! Now if that’s too much for you, you can just go tell your friends and BAM! we all share the load.

As an incentive for donation, for every $5 given to the station and to my show I’ll be giving away a download code as well as taking order for a physical incarnation for one of two personalized Andrew T music mixes. Straight up, I will never DJ your party and I will never write you a mixtape from my heart. BUT! for $5 you can get yourself a music mix of your very own to fill these needs I’m not fulfilling, and thereby have a piece of my mind forever. So again, for just $5 you can get either Kick Out the Jams with Andrew T or Sad and Lonely with Andrew T. What fun!

Also, there are station donation incentives for donating $25 or more, which include albums from Handsome Furs, No Age, Animal Collective, Beck, Juinior Boys, The Dutchess and the Duke, Eugene Mirman, Clinic, Cain and Abel, Foals, Torngat, Tiny Vipers, Hercules and Love Affair, Phoenix, The Most Serene Republic, Stars, Spiral Beach, Jemina Pearl, Born Ruffians, and Think About Life…AND MORE!!!

So please, tune in tonight to Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite from 10pm-12am for the live broadcast of the finale to the CFRU 93.3FM Raise Your Voice fundraising drive.

CFRU 93.3fm
http://www.cfru.ca/

And hey, if you’re in Guelph, come on down to the station for the party! It’s gonna be…pretty good!

from andrew

Happy Tuba Tuesday Everyone!

Did you know it was Tuba Tuesday? Well it is. But what’s great about it is that it’s one of those events that you don’t have to do anything about.

There is a lot of hate in my heart these days. Did you know that? That’s also one of those statements that you don’t have to do anything about. Like the tuba thing, you can just let it slide right on by.

But you wanna hear some statements and events that you can’t ignore? Starting tomorrow, October 14th, the fine folks at CFRU (the place where I host my epic radio show) are beginning their week-long funding drive. CFRU needs your money.

There. Bam. One event and one statment that you cannot ignore. Funding Drive and Needing Money. Just suck that in for a second.

October the 20th is the final day of the funding drive, and can you guess what the final show kicking it all off will be? ANDREW T AND THE DYNAMO ELITE! The nice people at CFRU think that we’ll be able to seal the deal and bring the dolla-palooza to a close. And I believe we can too.

SO! Tonight’s show is the pre-donating show, so we’re gonna spend a lot of time enticing listeners with the fabulous donation incentives that CFRU is offering up. PLUS we’ll be dishing the dirt on the mega exciting donation incentives that I, Andrew T, will be offering up. It’s gonna rock! There’s gonna be so much swag that you won’t be able to touch your nose! Who wants to do that anyways!

Please, listen to Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite on CFRU 93.3fm or http://www.cfru.ca/ tonight from 10pm-12am. Then starting tomorrow at 7am listen to CFRU for a week and pledge as much money as you can/want to.

I’d appreciate it.

And we all know that my appreciation is shown in many ways. Many mysterious ways. In many mysterious but not based 1st base ways.

from andrew

Good morning friends and family,

Do you know a famous person? Would you like to?

That’s right! It’s time to talk about Andrew T’s Notoriety!!!

Okay, so, like, it’s really hard to get super famous these days. You can either do something really impressive that everybody notices OR you can just wait for currently famous people to retire. Retire or Die.

Now, with you’re help, I am a great position to take advantage of both. Like a day when they’re offering both free coffee AND free donuts, I am in a great position to take advantage of both. When someone left the Gun store unattended and the bank vault open, I am in a great position to take advantage of both. LIKE DRUNK TWINS, I am in a great position to take advantage of both…wow. Maybe that’s why I’m not famous.

Regardless, I need your help. As I’m harping constantly, the countdown for Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite is on. Once that runs out, so does a significant portion of my fame-portunity. So please, tell your friends and family about the show. Get them to listen. Get them to join this Facebook Group. Get them to love me just a little bit more than they love you. Then you can all know a famous person.

Some other things of note: In an effort to beef up my fame quotient, I have a new website called http://www.drivewayfarerdrive.com/ You should check that out…for my sake. Also, you should help fund my famousness by donating to my radio show on October 20th. And finally, I will continue my quest to get noticed tonight on the airwaves, 93.3fm CFRU http://www.cfru.ca/ from 10pm-12am.

Oh! Also, think about it, if you help out a famous person, then a famous person can help out you. I can be helpful in all kinds of ways. It’s like having your own famous butler.

from andrew t aka The Future Famous Butler

People, there are seven major countdowns going on in my life right now. Because that’s the thing about countdowns: You can’t stop them.

Those Countdowns are, in order of farthest away:

1. When I die.

It is really hard to find a clock that counts down from infinite years in the future. I know I will never die, but I need a clock like that just as an act of solidarity.

2. When Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite ends

Don’t cry…yet. Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite will be halting as you currently know it in May 2010. I know that the Mayan calendar ends in 2012, but that just means we’ll all be empty husks of people for the final two years.

3. Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite Fundraising Supreme

October 20th. There will be prizes. There will be games. There will be food. There will be merriment. Most importantly, you will give me money. Stay tuned for more info.

4. The Rinse Cycle on my washing Machines

I like to know that my clothes are really, really clean. I feel that the extra rinse cycle, normally reserved only for large loads, drowns the heck out of any dirt left in the shirts and in the pants. Especially the shirts. Those smooth, vibrant, poly-cotton blended…shirts.

5. Tonight’s Show

It happens at 10pm whether you like it or not. And you will like it. You will like it so much that you will listen all the way until 12am. On CFRU 93.3fm. Or http://www.cfru.ca/

6. Lunch

Lunch time is now! I’m scarfing it down! That sounds kind of gross!

and finally,

7. Andrew T learning how a drive-thru works.

Frankly people, the time for me to grasp this has passed. Like they always say, you can’t teach an old Andrew T things that he shouldn’t known before. I’m now stuck with a life of getting out of my car and going in to order food. I may just stick to food courts so I don’t look like a weirdo. Or I’ll hire a personal chef! Yeah, that’s what I’ll do! I’ll hire a chef, and pay her to go and drive my imitation Gadget-Mobile through the nearest burger joint drive through! It’ll be like the future never happened. Turn back the clock on this one, because I just learned a valuable lesson.

If you want to just learn some crap I’ll say on the radio tonight, then please tune in.

Tune in anyways.

from andrew

Andrew T Show Log for September 22nd
2 Artist Album Song Label
3 Magneta Lane Gambling with God Violet’s Constellations Last Gang
4 Vivian Girls Everything Goes Wrong Tension In the Red
5 Crystal Stilts Alight at Night Departure Slumberland
6 York Redoubt York Redoubt Terrified Hot Money
7 Pavement Westing By (Muskat and Sextant) Box Elder Drag City
8 Land of Talk Applause, Cheer, Boo, Hiss All my Friends Dependent
9 The Hidden Cameras Origin: Orphan The Colour of a Man Arts and Crafts
10 John Southworth Mama Tevatron Buffalo City Hall DDR
11 Lightning Dust Infinite Light The Times Jagjaguwar
12 Wye Oak The Knot Tattoos Merge
13 Besnard Lakes …are the Dark Horse Devastation Jagjaguwar
14 Desolation Wilderness New Universe Boardwalk Theme K
15 Wild Beasts Two Dancers All the King’s Men Domino
16 Ramona Falls Intuit I Say Fever Barsuk
17 Nurses Apple’s Acre What Then Dead Oceans
18 Slaraffenland We’re On Your Side Long Gone Hometapes
19 Bruce Peninsula A Mountain is a Mouth 2nd 4th World War Bruce Trail
20 Bowerbirds Upper Air Beneath Your Tree Dead Oceans
21 Monster Show And in our Final Days as Archipelago How to Bicycle Home From Downtown, Slightly Drunk, While Carrying Three Used LPs Independent
22 Ohbijou Beacons Wildfires Last Gang
23 Amy Millan Masters of the Burial Low Sail Arts and Crafts

Ugggghhhhh………Blarggghhhh………Bleeeehhhhhh…..

Ohhhhhhh noooooo….I ate some grapes (not too many) but one of them was bad and now my stomach feels awful……

Blarrrrrrrgh…..Uhhhhhh…..Nughhhhhhhh…..

It feels like it wants to explode to purge it’s stomach memory of the disgusting thing I put in my mouth………

ooooooooohh…….This is the worst after-breakfast tuesday morning in recent memory………

bleckkkk……it’s coming in only second to the after-breakfast tuesday morning that I’m remembering only because I live blogged the horror of it……

hurumphhhhh………the one where I woke up to find that I had shared my bed with the…….

BLARGHH….with the lady who puts cream on my shoulders, knees, heels, and elbows…..

Huckk….basically anywhere on my body that has a rounded point….

Bleh Bleh Vleh……It was horrible because I thought we’d slept together or anything (we had, but we were married so it was A-OK)……

Lubalaaaahhh….ignoring the fact that we weren’t married to each other, but to our respective jobs, her to cream application and me to the Dynamo Elite…….

Fraaaaappp…..No, it was awful because when I woke up, it was apparent that she’d stolen all the pillows in the night. Even the orthopedic one I put under my hip. Especially the orthopedic on I put under my hip. And I spent the next seven hours being so terrified for my posture and whether I would inevitably file my taxes on time…or not…….

REEEEEEAAAAAGGGGHHH…….

But this morning is almost worse….sorry for all the noises of my pain and discomfort……

poooooojjjeeeee……life shouldn’t be this tough……

meeeeerrrrrrtttt…..But you know what’s not tough? Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite. Well, we’re tough, but we’re easy to take. We go down smooth like chocolate malt. And we’re on the radio tonight! From 10pm-12am on CFRU 93.3fm OR http://www.cfru.ca/

Now please excuse me while I either go curl up in a ball and die, or puke my butts off. Either way, I’ll be good and ready to dazzle you on the show.

from andrew

P.S. Did you know that Dogs can get poisoned by eating too many raisins or grapes?

P.P.S. OOOOMMMMPPPPPHHHH!!! BBBBLLLLAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!

Big News!

As most of you know, Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite is on a slow road to hell. I mean, the countdown is on. The end is nigh. 7 months nigh, but nigh nonetheless.

All of that being said, and that took a lot to all say, Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite is not going to go out with a whimper. It is going out with a bang! It’s going out with a ka-pow! It’s going out with the Surf and Turf platter, but we ain’t gonna eat it!!!

So the point is that things are happening. Everyday. The Dynamo Elite is going to be going through a lot of exciting and unexciting changes over the next little while to keep it as exciting as ever. It will not go down without a fight.

Now all of this set up has been to introduce the new that none other than the one and only Scotty D will be joining the show as a regular co-host! Yay! He’ll be on the show pretty much all the time now, doing things I’m feeling too lazy to do: co-hosting, selecting music, combing my hair, and combing his hair! Isn’t that exciting!

What isn’t exciting is that this will not change much of how the show is run. Do you like Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite the way it is? Then it’s still great! Do you not like Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite? Then stay disappointed! Doesn’t matter to me!

I think the biggest question on all o’ y’all’s mind is will the name of the show change now? Will it be called…something other than Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite, in order to highlight the much appreciated hard work Scotty D will be putting into the show?

No.

That’s ridiculous.
I can’t think of a dumber idea than to do that. There’s something seriously wrong with people who asked me that. Jeez.

Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite
93.3 FM
http://www.cfru.ca/
10pm-12am

Tune in tonight to hear Scotty D’s first official show as an official co-host! There will be other guests! No Prizes! Some light petting and crying!

That last one’s mostly just me.

from andrew