Bienvenidos,
There is a stranger in my house. At least I think so. Some one or something was using my bathroom when I got home, but I don’t know who it is. Instead of just barging in and demanding an introduction, I waited until they were done, and then snuck in to have my show.
I. Snuck. In. Like a coward. In my own home. This will not stand. This shall not stand. This will probably continue for the rest of the morning.
You know what I’m saying?
Oh, I haven’t said it yet…I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes I don’t like strangers. You know what I’m saying? Like, who do they think they are that they have to be all up in my stuff, in my house, and make me introduce myself. That’s outrageous, and wrong, and I’m filing a complaint.
I know that as a mildly public figure I should be open to strangers. They’re practically my bread and butter. But like all bread and butter, there are exceptions.
You see, you are my public. Some of you are bread and some of you are butter. If my matchmaking TV gets off the ground, I will be introducing all the breads to all the butters and you will make sandwich babies for me. And then we won’t be strangers! We’ll be intimately tied together. There will be many years of you bringing your doughy, greasy family down to my estate where we can all frolic and remember the good times.
We’ll say to each other “Oh, Reginald, do you remember that time on October 27th when Andrew T hosted another spectacular episode of Andrew T and the Dynamo Elite? We tuned in to CFRU 93.3fm…or was it online at http://www.cfru.ca/ ? Regardless, Reginald, it was an excellent 2 hours of radio from 10pm-12am.”
And then someone will be sure to point out that we’re not all named Reginald and that they didn’t know how they got there or why they were tied up.
So, in conclusion: Did I just stoop so low as to give myself a fictional compliment from the future just to get you to listen to my radio show?
Yes. Yes I did. And isn’t that what Halloween’s all about?
from andrew
